Being Brought Up in a Dysfunctional Household
All I wanted out of life as a young girl was to grow up in a decent family—a family I could rely on for authentic love and one I could trust. I never got that. I still don't have that today. Let's just say it's traumatic, and if you aren't a victim of being brought up in a dysfunctional household you wouldn't understand and I don't expect you to.
Jada Shantrice: The Younger Her
I was only six when he died—my dad. Before his death things were different. Although I have very few memories of him, I know he genuinely loved my siblings and me. I always heard stories about him and they weren't so positive. Still, I would do anything to have him and his love back. After he passed away in 2004, our household included me, my sister, my newborn brother, my mom, and my grandma. My grandma drowned in Hurricane Katrina the following year, so that was a minus one. Then, it was just us four. All we had was each other. We depended on each other for everything and all things, especially happiness.
Growing up, my sister and I would always fight. She always initiated the fights, and I never understood because she's the oldest. She hated me. It was evident. She always accused my mother of "loving and liking me more." I never got that energy from my mom. I truly feel that my dad's death affected my sister differently, being that they were closer than he and I was. She became a problem child. Her grades even began to decline. We fought as if we were enemies and I always lost.
My brother was born the same year our dad died. He's 18 now with not one memory of our beloved. He recently cried for the first time for his dad and I was saddened. My brother and I were always close. We used to visit my grandpa in Franklin, Louisiana, along with my sister, and I would fight boys for picking with him. I loved him so much and still do. We've always had a strong relationship. Nothing or no one ever interfered with that. Thank God. He may be antisocial or not a people's person, but he is the one person I know I can always talk to and he will enlighten my mood.
My mother is difficult to sum up. She has her ways of dealing with and handling things as a mother. A lot of those things I do not agree with and never will. Growing up, she was not hard on my sister and me, instead, she allowed my relationship with my sister to rupture day by day. She never said or did anything about the fights. As a child, I was expecting her to. That is the past though. Now, as a young adult, my mother has made it clear that my feelings are invalid. Being brought up in a dysfunctional household is the past period, but how do victims, like me, move on from it? How do we heal from it?
The Trauma Follows You No Matter What
No matter where you go or who you encounter, the trauma of being brought up in a dysfunctional household will follow you. It will take over your life if you allow it to. It can ruin friendships and relationships too. You were never taught to love properly. You were never taught how to receive the proper love. People don't understand that. You must do the healing on your own. How though?
Forgive your family
Love them from a distance if things do not change
Love yourself enough for anybody
Put yourself first. Your happiness. Your peace. Your solitude.
Grow at your own speed
Heal at your own pace
Release.
Healing takes time and strength. Almost everything does. You can turn any situation around. Although trauma does not necessarily go away, it does fade over time. You are not a product of your dysfunctional family. You are beautiful and you are loved. As a victim, I am still healing. The weird thing about healing is sometimes it is hard to identify. You can wake up one day and feel like you haven't made any progress. If you need to, keep track of your progress and the things you've been doing to heal. It will all work out in the end.
Here's to giving yourself the love you deserve and eventually birthing and raising a family that will be nothing like the one you come from.
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